Yes, that title does actually read ‘Snake And Mayonnaise’. That’s what I thought I saw on a poster not long ago.
You guessed it – I’ve been misreading words as usual.
It turned out the poster was actually advertising the movie ‘Snake and Mongoo$e’, but snake & mayo sounded more appetizing. (I was hungry at the time.) I’ve had rattlesnake fondue and it was tasty, so I was willing to give snake & mayo a try. I thought maybe it would be like a lobster roll. Yum.
Speaking of eating, I did a double-take a few weeks ago when Hubby and I were shopping for new cutlery. I didn’t realize Lagostina made flatware called ‘Enema’. It sounded… uncomfortable. Fortunately, the flowing script on the box actually spelled out ‘Enigma’, but we bought a different brand just in case.
And my mind must have been in that… er… area, because a few days later, I saw a Facebook status that read ‘I just pooped in Safeway’. (Safeway is a supermarket chain here in Canada.) I was recoiling in disgust when I realized it really said ‘popped into Safeway’. Whew.
Also on Facebook, I came to a screeching halt when I read the status of one of my guy friends: ‘I can’t believe I’m following a live blog about an erection’.
I couldn’t believe it either. In the first place, who live-blogs about their erection? Wait, no! Don’t answer that! I don’t even want to know…
Anyway, it turned out the word in question was ‘election’, so that was a relief.
In advertising news, I discovered the headline ‘Volkswagen takes big swing with Golf Rodent’. I realize car manufacturers must be struggling to find names for their new models, but ‘Rodent’ was one I never thought I’d see.
And I still haven’t. The headline was ‘Volkswagen takes big swing with Golf R debut’. But you know? I’d totally buy a Volkswagen Rodent. Perfect for scurrying through traffic and squeezing into tight spaces…
Speaking of advertising, I got all excited when I discovered an ad for ‘Vicious Women Magazine International’. Now that sounds like my kinda mag!
But… no, not so much. Turned out it was ‘Virtuous Women Magazine’, a religious publication written “…to encourage young ladies to embrace their calling of becoming virtuous women and daughters polished after the similitude of a palace”. It scared the shit out of me, but I’m sure lots of young ladies (or more likely their parents) find value in it. Different strokes…
Then I thought I’d found an ideal reader for Vicious Women Magazine, if there was such a publication. The young woman in question was wearing a T-shirt that proclaimed, “Kiss me, I’m a monster”. I was chuckling and wondering where I could buy one when I took a second look and realized the T-shirt said ‘modster’, not ‘monster’.
I didn’t know what a modster was, so I googled it. And even then, I wasn’t sure. There’s a Modster site that offers fashion advice; but the Urban Dictionary says a modster is “An asshole hipster. Usually someone who ruins the vibe at a good bar.”
I have no discernible fashion sense and I like to think I’m congenial company at the bar, so I guess I won’t buy that T-shirt after all.
But I’m still willing to try snake & mayo. And if they ever release a car named the Rodent, I’ll be first in line!
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Belly-dancing update: We learned some new moves this week. Or rather, the instructor introduced some new moves, which is not exactly the same thing. One of them was the ¾ shimmy: shaking our hips in ¾ time while walking. Ever heard of St. Vitus’s Dance? Yeah, that’s how I looked. I nearly dislocated my butt.
I tried a memory technique to remember the names of the new moves, and it worked really well. “Umi” refers to a circling movement of the hips that includes a suggestive pelvic tilt. That move became “do-me” in my mind, and I’ll never forget it now. But I don’t think I’ll share that particular mnemonic with the rest of the class…