Thanks, Technology… I Think…

Fortunately, it was Thanksgiving here in Canada this past weekend.  If I hadn’t been reminded of how thankful I am for all the good things in my life, I’d be seriously cranky.

The night before I left for another 1,600-mile road trip a couple of weeks ago, my computer’s USB ports died, leaving my mouse and keyboard to uselessly mourn their passing.

It’s kinda hard to use a computer when you have no input devices, but hell, no problem.  It’s not like I really needed to finish my last-minute work and pack and get a million other things done before I left.  Technology, you’re a real sonuvabitch sometimes.

But on the up side, I use my laptop to work remotely on my home computer when I’m travelling.  It was as if nothing was wrong the whole time I was away.  Thanks, technology.

When I got home, I spent the better part of a day trying to fix the ports.  No luck.  Sonuvabitch.

But I could still work through my laptop.  Thanks, technology.

But my laptop couldn’t connect to the program I need for my invoicing.  Sonuvabitch.

But that was okay.  Since my motherboard was toast anyway, I decided to replace my aging computer.  I could take my time building my new machine and make a graceful transition using my laptop in the mean time.  Thanks, technology.

Which was a great idea… until I woke up the very next morning to discover my old computer had committed seppuku in the night and was completely dead.  Not even a beep or a blinky light.  Where it got that sword, I’ll never know.  Sonuvabitch.

Computer seppuku. Try not to look at the bloody entrails.

But I had backups, and I had my new hardware.  I could start rebuilding right away.  And it was the long weekend, so I had three whole days free.  Thanks, technology.

Well, sorta free.  Except for the bazillion other things I’d hoped to accomplish after being away for a week.  Oh, and maybe have a day or two off?  Nah.  Not allowed.  Sonuvabitch.

Amazingly, all the Microsoft products installed beautifully and worked first try.  Thanks, technology.

Unfortunately, all the other hardware and applications seemed childishly determined to assert their independence.  One after the other, they:

  1. refused to install; then
  2. installed grudgingly after I spent hours pissing around finding solutions; after which they
  3. promptly broke the parts of the installation that had actually been working before, so I had to go back and fix them.  Again.

I spent three solid days glued to my desk, swearing until the windows melted.  Sonuvabitch.

But I’m thankful beyond words that this is the only thing in my life that’s complaint-worthy.  My saintly husband tolerated my savage mood with his usual graciousness and helped me buy and assemble my components.  I ate Thanksgiving dinners on two different days and didn’t have to cook for either of them.  I was warm and safe and well-fed and surrounded by family and friends.

Now I’m happy in my home office, doing work I (mostly) enjoy on a zippy new computer that’s (mostly) loaded.  It’s all good.

Thanks, but, um, technology…?  You’re still a sonuvabitch sometimes.

It looks like an angel when it’s sleeping…

P.S. I’m still reloading my RSS feeds and digging out from under my backlog, so I haven’t been by to visit my blogging buddies lately.  I’ve missed you – looking forward to visiting you again soon!

26 Comments

Filed under Geekery, Humour, Life

26 responses to “Thanks, Technology… I Think…

  1. Pingback: Boom. Splat. | Diane Henders

  2. O.O where did that big knife come from!!!??!!! To be totally honest, I LOVE the way your desktop looks sitting so beautifully on your desk and the whole..neatness of the table and all. If I had a home office I’d like mine to be like that…except maybe not for the seppuku committing computer……

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  3. What? They put desktops back ON the desk again? After 20 years. what will they think of next? Used to run both. Switched to just using a laptop with a big monitor at home. Easier.

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    • I actually went out of my way to find a non-tower case – I’m just a freak. I’ve always liked desktop cases because I’m tall and it gives me a place to stack my monitor.

      I did consider going to a laptop/monitor combination, but I use some pretty processor-and-display-intensive applications. I would’ve had to pay thousands of dollars for a laptop, and even then it wouldn’t be close to the specs of the desktop I put together for under a grand. Technology. Grrr.

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  4. Lesley

    Luv the post Diane hit home for sure! Speaking of technology – just got home from my 91 year old mothers. The thanksgiving dinner was a breeze, programming the new flat screen TV took three days, getting her elderly XP/OS system sorted out another 2 days….if a machete had been close by it would have been cheerfully employed. Luv technology but when it goes awry, murderous thoughts arise, glad you have them too and you know what your doing LOL. Enjoy your new desktop!

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  5. Jason

    My favorite thing to do every couple years is build my new tower. Sadly my next investment will be a laptop. I spend too much time in barracks or in the field to have anything else. You may laugh but i have set up my tower in the field under a section of mod tent in the middle of january. It ended with a blown CPU from getting snow kicked into the fan.

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  6. Good laugh, Diane.

    What puzzles me is why your old computer decided to die on a bed. Has it never heard of a static safe work environment?

    Cheers!

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    • Well, dang. It must’ve dragged itself in there and fried its little circuits climbing up on that static-generating synthetic-blend bedspread. And here I was thinking it died from a machete to the guts.

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  7. I am not sure what makes me feel more inadequate – your hilarious writing, your ability to Frankenstein your computer, or your insanely neat office. I bow to you!

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  8. At least you’re getting there, Diane… and all that aside hope you had a good Thanksgiving!

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  9. I hope you’ve left the dearly departed computer in the corner of your office with the machete intact to, you know, encourage good behavior on the part of the new computer.

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  10. There is no substitute for a good machete.

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  11. Well, at least you’re technology savvy. Think of the rest of us poor saps who have no clue what we’re doing. Loved the stabbing of the machine, by the way. I would expect no less from you. :) Am also hugely impressed by your neat workspace. I require neatness in my home–just ask my poor kids–but for some reason, my desk never shows it.

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    • It killed itself. Honest. Like the investigating officer said, “A dozen stab wounds in the back – worst case of suicide we ever saw.”

      And, yes, I get intensely stressed if my office is messy. I can ignore it for a while, but then I get the panicky feeling that some huge and neglected crisis is breeding inside a forgotten stack of papers, and I have to clean up and organize . Same with the rest of the house, except for the basement and garage, which are Hubby’s domain. He’s the “messy” to my “tidy”, but I exercise every ounce of my self-control to leave his territory alone. Lucky I don’t have kids. :-)

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  12. Argh! See, this is why I hate computers–that whole seppuku thing. Who knew the beasts put such store in honor?

    Glad you got your new one built & running!

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