It’s driving me crazy. I’ve been trying for months, and I get interrupted partway through every time. I’m so frustrated because I just can’t finish…
The sex scene in my latest book, I mean.
My writing process borders on obsessive-compulsive. I begin by re-reading and editing everything I’ve written the previous several days, just to get back into the story. Then I write, then I edit what I’ve just written, and then I repeat. And repeat. And… repeat.
If I’m interrupted, it completely throws me. If it’s a minor interruption, I can sometimes jump back into the story, but usually I have to go back several scenes and start again. By the time one of my books is ready for release, I’ve re-read (and usually re-written) every single word at least 50 times.
How Spy I Am goes out to my beta readers this week, so you can guess how many times I’ve edited this sex scene. And I’ve never gotten through it uninterrupted.
Not. Once.
No matter how the stars and planets are aligned, no matter what precautions I’ve taken, there’s always something. A conversation that requires more input than “Mmm-hmmm”. A doorbell. An alarm.
I’ve tried working at my desk, at somebody else’s kitchen table, out in the woods, and in the car (no, I was not driving at the time). Same damn thing. I get partway through that scene, and something happens to drag me away.
I tried it in the airport boarding lounge. I figured, who the hell would interrupt me there? Nobody talks to anybody in the airport.
Wrong!
It was all I could do not to leap up and scream, “Do you mind? I’m trying to have sex over here!” Which might have been amusing, come to think of it. Maybe I’ll try that some time, just for giggles. Anyway…
Last week, I made an editing date with myself. Put all my other work aside and gave myself permission to not make supper/do laundry/whatever. I had several gloriously uninterrupted hours at my desk. I was in the editing zone. Before I knew it, I was half-way through the sex scene, thinking, “At last, I’ll get through this…”
The phone rang.
The call involved a family member and hospitalization. Fortunately nothing life-threatening, but definitely one of those calls you have to take. And there I was, left hanging. Again.
This week is my last chance. Hubby’s away on business. I’ve discharged all my responsibilities for my “real” job. My inboxes (both paper and virtual) are empty. I plan to leave my phone in the house, close the windows, lock the doors, and take my laptop out to the shed in the back yard. It’s a sordid place to have sex, but by now I have no self-respect left.
After all, what could possibly happen to interrupt me out there?
But if you see a headline about a woman who died when her garden shed was struck by lightning out of a clear blue sky, don’t look for a blog post next week.
Postscript: I was editing again after I wrote the draft for this post. Right in the middle of the fateful scene… my mouse batteries died. FML.
Author Diane Henders 
*You’re* finally satisfied? How do you think your poor protagonist feels? And yes, love the comments almost as much as the post!
LikeLike
Well, it sucks to be her, regardless. Wait, that’s probably my fault, too, isn’t it…?
LikeLike
bigsheepcommunications might have a point there…but then again, it made for a very funny post! It wasn’t funny that you felt terrible frustrated and unsatisfied, BUT it was still …funny..hehe.
LikeLike
I was beginning to wonder if she was right, but I’m finished now, at last. And so, so satisfied… 🙂
LikeLike
Woohoo! Glad to hear 🙂
LikeLike
Okay, what you need is a good buzz: the writer-ly equivalent of a vibrator. That’ll get you through the scene a lot faster. 😉
LikeLike
Bwahaha! That’d fix the speed issue, but I’m not sure it’d do much for my editing quality. I think alcohol must be the equivalent we’re looking for. It’s both lubricant and stimulant, so… party at my place. Woohoo!
LikeLike
“Write drunk; edit sober.” ~ Papa Hemingway.
Because you won’t have anything to edit until you finish writing it. 😉
LikeLike
So true. Hemingway had it pegged. But then, he also came up with this gem of wisdom: “Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.”
LikeLike
LOL! Wise man, Hemingway.
LikeLike
Title sorta’ reminded me of Sheldon’s commentary on “The Big Bang Theory”! Hilarious, but, sadly the truth about writing prevails. Writing is fun, is WORK, is exasperating as well as exhilerating… Great one. Thanks.
LikeLike
Yes, you know you’re too deep in your fictional world when writing dialogue on the page takes precedence over real-life conversations. 🙂
Thanks for visiting and commenting.
LikeLike
LMAO
“Editorial climax”! & Jerking The Mouse Over?
Comments are as entertaining as the story. LOLOLOLOLOL
LikeLike
I know, I love my commenters! They’re much funnier than I am. 🙂
LikeLike
I think you are definitely not meant to finish this scene!
LikeLike
It certainly seemed that way up until this evening, but I think this post must have broken the curse. I actually did get completely through it tonight, and tomorrow the book goes off to my beta readers on schedule.
Wow, now I need a cigarette. And I don’t even smoke…
LikeLike
Thank goodness you were able to follow it all the way through! Great perseverance!
LikeLike
And I thought it was men who were supposed to always have sex on their minds …
Cheers!
LikeLike
Surprise! 🙂
LikeLike
Oh, too funny! That title was NOT fair and the rest of this account was a riot. The scene at the airport lounge was great and having no self respect left to write in such a ‘sordid’ place like the shed…but I am fervently hoping you didn’t tempt fate a little too far with the lightning remark. Sometimes karma can be so sadistic with a sick twist of irony thrown in. Here’s to you surviving the shed to write again! Besides, if you kick the bucket prematurely, no telling who gets their grubby paws on your torque wrench!
LikeLike
So true! Maybe I should carry my torque wrench into the shed with me. And no, I’m not going to make the obligatory “rigid tool” joke.
Oh, wait, I just did…
LikeLike
Coitus interruptus caused by stilus rumpo.
LikeLike
Indeed. A particularly nasty affliction.
LikeLike
Ha! Great post… I think I’m feeling a little sympathy frustration for you as I write this. I guess in the long run it’s better to be struggling to finish as opposed to suffering from Premature Publication. 😉
LikeLike
LOL! True, Premature Publication would be humiliating.
LikeLike
Ha ha! Loved the title of this blog post. That should land you some interesting search terms. 🙂
Here’s wishing you uninterupted success in your quest for editorial climax!
LikeLike
“Editorial climax”! *snickers* Now I have to go wash my mind out with soap. Eh… on second thought, forget that. There’s no soap in the world that could clean up this mind.
I almost included “sex” in the tags, but I chickened out at the last minute. My blog spam is manageable at the moment, and I’d like to keep it that way. 🙂
LikeLike
Good thinking!
LikeLike
Okay…looks like I am the first male to comment…so I’ll admit it…I nearly tore the flesh off the end of my fingers as I jerked the mouse over to open up this blog…so very sad…but true…lol..
🙂
Be encouraged!
LikeLike
Ha ha! It was a bit of a tease, wasn’t it? 🙂
LikeLike
Sorry about that. I’ll try to be more, um… satisfying… in the future. 🙂
LikeLike
But thanks for commenting anyway, despite your disappointment.
LikeLike
Perhaps the universe is trying to tell you that this scene is not meant to reach a conclusion, however unsatisfying that may be …
LikeLike
Hmmm. That’s going to make it a little tricky to finish the book.
Ah, what does the universe know anyway?
LikeLike