Coitus Interruptus

It’s driving me crazy.  I’ve been trying for months, and I get interrupted partway through every time.  I’m so frustrated because I just can’t finish

The sex scene in my latest book, I mean.

My writing process borders on obsessive-compulsive.  I begin by re-reading and editing everything I’ve written the previous several days, just to get back into the story.  Then I write, then I edit what I’ve just written, and then I repeat.  And repeat.  And… repeat.

If I’m interrupted, it completely throws me.  If it’s a minor interruption, I can sometimes jump back into the story, but usually I have to go back several scenes and start again.  By the time one of my books is ready for release, I’ve re-read (and usually re-written) every single word at least 50 times.

How Spy I Am goes out to my beta readers this week, so you can guess how many times I’ve edited this sex scene.  And I’ve never gotten through it uninterrupted.

Not.  Once.

No matter how the stars and planets are aligned, no matter what precautions I’ve taken, there’s always something.  A conversation that requires more input than “Mmm-hmmm”.  A doorbell.  An alarm.

I’ve tried working at my desk, at somebody else’s kitchen table, out in the woods, and in the car (no, I was not driving at the time).  Same damn thing.  I get partway through that scene, and something happens to drag me away.

I tried it in the airport boarding lounge.  I figured, who the hell would interrupt me there?  Nobody talks to anybody in the airport.

Wrong!

It was all I could do not to leap up and scream, “Do you mind?  I’m trying to have sex over here!”  Which might have been amusing, come to think of it.  Maybe I’ll try that some time, just for giggles.  Anyway…

Last week, I made an editing date with myself.  Put all my other work aside and gave myself permission to not make supper/do laundry/whatever.  I had several gloriously uninterrupted hours at my desk.  I was in the editing zone.  Before I knew it, I was half-way through the sex scene, thinking, “At last, I’ll get through this…”

The phone rang.

The call involved a family member and hospitalization.  Fortunately nothing life-threatening, but definitely one of those calls you have to take.  And there I was, left hanging.  Again.

This week is my last chance.  Hubby’s away on business.  I’ve discharged all my responsibilities for my “real” job.  My inboxes (both paper and virtual) are empty.  I plan to leave my phone in the house, close the windows, lock the doors, and take my laptop out to the shed in the back yard.  It’s a sordid place to have sex, but by now I have no self-respect left.

After all, what could possibly happen to interrupt me out there?

But if you see a headline about a woman who died when her garden shed was struck by lightning out of a clear blue sky, don’t look for a blog post next week.

Postscript:  I was editing again after I wrote the draft for this post.  Right in the middle of the fateful scene… my mouse batteries died.   FML.

34 Comments

Filed under Humour, Life, Writing

34 responses to “Coitus Interruptus

  1. *You’re* finally satisfied? How do you think your poor protagonist feels? And yes, love the comments almost as much as the post!

  2. shreejacob

    bigsheepcommunications might have a point there…but then again, it made for a very funny post! It wasn’t funny that you felt terrible frustrated and unsatisfied, BUT it was still …funny..hehe.

  3. Okay, what you need is a good buzz: the writer-ly equivalent of a vibrator. That’ll get you through the scene a lot faster. ;)

  4. Cathi's Meanderings

    Title sorta’ reminded me of Sheldon’s commentary on “The Big Bang Theory”! Hilarious, but, sadly the truth about writing prevails. Writing is fun, is WORK, is exasperating as well as exhilerating… Great one. Thanks.

    • Yes, you know you’re too deep in your fictional world when writing dialogue on the page takes precedence over real-life conversations. :-)

      Thanks for visiting and commenting.

  5. LMAO

    “Editorial climax”! & Jerking The Mouse Over?

    Comments are as entertaining as the story. LOLOLOLOLOL

  6. I think you are definitely not meant to finish this scene!

    • It certainly seemed that way up until this evening, but I think this post must have broken the curse. I actually did get completely through it tonight, and tomorrow the book goes off to my beta readers on schedule.

      Wow, now I need a cigarette. And I don’t even smoke…

  7. And I thought it was men who were supposed to always have sex on their minds …

    Cheers!

  8. Oh, too funny! That title was NOT fair and the rest of this account was a riot. The scene at the airport lounge was great and having no self respect left to write in such a ‘sordid’ place like the shed…but I am fervently hoping you didn’t tempt fate a little too far with the lightning remark. Sometimes karma can be so sadistic with a sick twist of irony thrown in. Here’s to you surviving the shed to write again! Besides, if you kick the bucket prematurely, no telling who gets their grubby paws on your torque wrench!

  9. Coitus interruptus caused by stilus rumpo.

  10. Ha! Great post… I think I’m feeling a little sympathy frustration for you as I write this. I guess in the long run it’s better to be struggling to finish as opposed to suffering from Premature Publication. ;-)

  11. Ha ha! Loved the title of this blog post. That should land you some interesting search terms. :)

    Here’s wishing you uninterupted success in your quest for editorial climax!

  12. Perhaps the universe is trying to tell you that this scene is not meant to reach a conclusion, however unsatisfying that may be …

What do you think?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s